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In Sausage Party We Learn Food Is Alive, Has Feelings And Curses Like A Crusty Old Sailor

poster from sausage party movie. The poster has a frank with eyes and a smile. The words on the poster are sausage party in red and a her will rise written in black

The movie starts out with a package of wieners doing their best to let the buns know they just can’t wait to get up in that.  All they are waiting for is the human gods to choose them so they can bust out of their package and make this sausage party happen.

Every food in the store has the idea that once they get chosen all their dreams will come true.  But when honey mustard gets selected and then returned he’s like, “Guess what idiots, it’s pure hell.”

sausage party the movie with a hot dog cut in half. He is split between the eyes with his mouth open. There is a lady with a knife in the background. The picture next to him is of michael phelps with a stern concentrated expression. He looks mad and concentrating. Phelps is wearing a blue hoodie with a red stripe. This is at a US mens swim meet at the olypics in rio. Written meme: not too many things worse than the michael phelps stare of death

Our hero Frank blows off this comment when he and his boys finally get put in a cart and all they can think about is getting it in.  Then the next item in the cart is an actual douche who acts like a cast member of the Jersey Shore.  Meanwhile, honey mustard gets chosen again and immediately goes to commit food suicide.  Frank and his bun girlfriend Brenda try to save honey mustard but instead make half the cart drop to the ground like a scene in Apocalypse Now.

At this point Douche is on the ground mad at Frank because he’s a damaged product no longer DTF.  But right before a fight goes down, Douche is cleaned up by The Dark Lord who is just a nerdy disgruntled employee.  And in the back while Douche is dying he gets the bright idea to juice up by drinking a dying juice box.  This gives him guns and the power to say, “Looks like it’s time to smash a little sausage.”

Fortunately, Frank and Brenda get away and pick up Sammy the Bagel and Pita who are food frenemies.  And on the way back to their food sections, Frank convinces the crew to take a little detour to the liquor section.  This is when Frank meets firewater who shows him the truth about the great beyond by getting him really high.

sausage party movie with the firewater character dressed up like an indian. twinkie has white hair and is holding a kazoo as a pipe. They are both sitting in front of a flame. Written meme: to learn the truth you must get high because this is a seth rogen movie

Meanwhile the rest of the food that made it home with the human god learns the great beyond is just a great way to die.  Luckily a wiener named Barry escapes and is able to hitch a ride to a fat human stoner’s house.  This is where Barry meets Gum who rolls out in a wheelchair like the Stephen Hawking of food.  Next they hatch a plan to take down the human gods and finally move up one notch on the food chain.

In final showdown, Barry and Gum go back to the store and make the human shoppers high on bath salts to show them food talks, sees and wears white little gloves.  As the humans are freaking the eff out, Douche takes control of The Dark Lord buy inserting himself in The Dark Lords glory hole.  But that’s when the whole store fights back and takes out Douche/The Dark Lord by making them go boom.  Then all of the food makes the rest of the humans into dead frozen treats.  And to celebrate this victory, the whole store has the best food orgy ever recorded on screen.

ADD Movie Review:  If you like sausage go see this party.  It’s wrong, the stereotypes are wrong but the movie is all good.

Gas guage dark grey with light grey background. The needle is red pointing to the number 1/2. Written next the gas gauge is how full the theater was on opening day. Comic Popcorn Theater Gas Gauge

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The Steve Jobs Movie Shows Us Some Of The Best Stories About Jobs That Most Likely Never Happened

So they made another movie about Steve Jobs.  But this time they decided to make it not suck.  That’s right, they brought in heavyweight Michael Fassbender to play Steve.  Which makes you go, “That dude looks nothing like Jobs.”  But after five minutes you’re like, “Fassbender you must have an actor reality distortion field.  Because, now I totally buy it.”


The focus of the movie is the drama backstage before the launch of the Mac, the NeXT computer, and the iMac.  And Sorkin pushes the tension of each launch right up to point just before Jobs has to kill people off one by one.

And as a special treat Steve gets to belittle his head of marketing played by Kate Winslet, Steve Wozniak played by Seth Rogen, and John Sculley played by Harry from Dumb and Dumber.


But the one person who makes Steve change the most in the movie is his daughter.  We see Steve go from saying, “You’re not my daughter” to “I guess I kinda, sorta like you.”  Way to go father of the year.

But what is great about this movie is it tells us all of the backstory behind Jobs. The only problem is it’s all made up.  Even the real life Woz is like, “I never confronted Steve like that, but I did think about it a million times.”

The Straight Dope:  This movie is great.  It is all the drama we could hope for from a man who was larger than life.  But in reality the only drama probably was Steve saying, “If we have whole a computer company, why can’t we make the projector work?”


More Effin Funny Reviews at JoeJCom.

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The Interview Takes On North Korea

The best thing about the Interview movie is that North Korea is afraid of two actors who love making movies about pot.  I mean how secure are you if the final nail in the coffin for your country comes from a comedy about honeydicking.

Apparently you can do anything with puppets.  But when it comes to a movie with real people the only way you get to see it is if you put on your favorite holiday bullet proof vest.


Comedy is great because it highlights all our insecurities.  It’s hard to know if Team America World Police was making more fun of Korea or America.  But at least we know who’s always number one (f’yeah!).

But that’s America rolls.  We make fun of anything as long as we get paid.  So I think Franco and Rogen are in good company.  Comedy is a path to change.  Comedy also happens to be excellent path to living in your mom’s basement.

The straight dope:  Why send over weapons or have cyber war when we can just give North Korea a movie from two dudes who dress up like Kim and Kanye on a bike.

Make comedy not war.