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Suicide Squad Is A Little Weak, But Come On, When Has A Supervillain Plot/Plan Ever Worked?

suicide squad poster with jared leto, will smith, viola davis, margot robbie surrounding the words suicide squad. The syle is like a comic book

Suicide Squad starts with Viola Davis introducing every bad guy like she’s reading off the degenerate version of LinkedIn.  We quickly learn Will Smith is called Deadshot and he never misses a target or a fat payday.  Then you have Margot Robbie who got romanced by Jared Leto the Marilyn Manson of Jokers.  But the real baddie of the bunch is Cara Delevingne who is Enchantress the witch.  She has the power to destroy the whole world and the whole movie.

Davis puts this team together because she wants to protect the US from a future evil Superman or a current questionable Trump.  But as soon as the team gets the green light, Enchantress runs away, frees her brother and then starts building a witchy woman machine to make the world dead.  And Davis is like, “Yeah, that was completely opposite of my plan.”

So her next move is to put the Suicide Squad in play by sending  them to battle people who have been turned into large turd monsters.  And this is when Smith really shines as Deadshot because he gives every monster the gift of lead.

Once the squad gets done laying waste to monsters, we learn this battle was just to save Davis.  Which kinda makes you go, “Well that was an effin waste of time.”  But once Davis is safe, everyone goes to the roof a building to get picked up by a military helicopter.  But when they get to the roof the helicopter lights it up like the fourth of July.  And that’s when we learn Joker and his boys are in the helicopter just to pick up Harley Quinn, the Arkham centerfold of the month.

Margot Robbie from the moie Suicide Squad. She has her hair in pony tails. One pony tail is red and the other is blue. She has her mouth open in a smile with her tongue licking her lips. She has the look of crazy animation. She is holding a mallet you would use at the circus. On the mallet is a smiley face with two x's for eyes. Written meme: she Has taken it to a whole new level of crazy

Once Harley Quinn is on the helicopter Davis is like, “Hey Deadshot, I think one of your bullets would feel right at home in her head.”  But that’s when Smith misses and Davis is forced to call in an airstrike right out of thin air.  Fortunately Harley Quinn escapes but we are led to believe the Joker is dead, dead, dead.  And this gives Leto plenty of time to apply more make up and enjoy the full offerings of the craft services table.

Next Davis is taken by Enchantress.  And that’s when Smith is like, “She was a bitch, so let’s go have a drink.”  Only after five minutes of weak sauce pep talk the team decides to go after Enchantress and her super huge brother.

Finally this is when we get see the very shy Diablo turn into a giant flaming dude.

diablo from the movie suicide squad. He has gang and death tatoo's on his body and face. He is holding up his right hand with a flame. The picture next to him is the olympian Pita taufatofua from tonga. He is carrying a flag and walking in the opening ceremonies. He has oil all over his body. He is not wearing a shirt

With teamwork, the squad is able to take out the brother.  Then Robbie is able to trick the witch and cut out her heart.  Finally Smith is able shoot an explosive in the middle of the machine so it looks like somebody hit rewind on CGI maker 2001.

ADD Movie Review:  The movie would have been better if they let Joker build the team of baddies.  But instead we got fifteen minutes of Joker and like 15 hours of weird witchy plot.


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Whiskey Tango Foxtrot Is A Woman’s Journey To Find Herself In Super Ghetto Afghanistan

In Whiskey Tango Foxtrot Tina Fey plays a reporter who’s told if you like your job then you’re really going to love moving to Afghanistan.  And the next thing she knows, she’s looking out the window like, “Yep, I’m in effin Kabul.  I know this because there are way too many goats.”

The moment Tina gets to Kabul Margot Robbie tells her, “I’m also a reporter and I would like to take your bodyguard in that room for a little game of Taliban sheet shuffle.”  And Tina is like, “Great.  I have a boyfriend and that guy’s a giant Australian tool.”


But pretty much right after this, Tina gets sent on a mission with our military’s best and brightest who is played by General Billy Bob Thornton.  Once they encounter some hostiles the military guys are like, “Ma’am, stay in the vehicle.  This is a direct order from General Bad Santa.”  This is when Tina goes, “Sitting in this Humvee sucks.  I’m pretty sure bullets can hit my press badge.”  So she runs up to the fight and films the military using an $80,000 rocket to take out a couple of dudes in a pickup.  Way to go military.

Now after that adrenaline rush, Tina does a lot of partying and eventually hooks up with a Scottish reporter played by Martin Freeman.  But every time she hooks up with him she’s wakes up going, “Wow, I just keep on making the same mistake.  And by the way Scottish dude, it’s really not cool to use my toothbrush.”  But Freeman doesn’t care because he’s still able to win her over even though his voice has the romantic quality of Scottish bagpipes.


But drama soon happens when Tina learns Margot is after her job and Freeman gets captured by the bad guys.  Fortunately Tina is able to convince General Thornton to take out a whole group of Taliban just to save one Scottish boy toy.

Once she has her man back Tina says, “That was scary.  Why don’t you come back to the states with me?”  And Freeman is like, “Yeah, I think I’ll take my chances here.  A bomb is way less scary than a house with a picket fence.”

The Straight Dope:  This movie has funny parts.  But to get to these parts you’ve got to eat, pray and love while wearing your steel magnolia traveling pants.

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Never Lose Focus Movie Takes Your Money And Keeps You Guessing

Never Lose Focus is a movie about con artists.  But once you drop all that money on a movie ticket, a soda, and a large popcorn, just realize you’re on the wrong side of the con. In the movie Will Smith is suave.  He looks like he can take your yacht with a smile.  Whereas his best friend in the movie looks like he can barely take out the trash.


But I have a feeling the friend is the type of con artist you would see in real life.  You know someone who looks like your uncle Murray from Queens. And Margot Robbie is smoking hot in almost every thing she wears.  But a real life girl con artist probably knows less about couture and more about where to get the best deal on mom jeans.


There are a couple of sex scenes in the movie.  You know where they start kissing and then all the sudden the scene cuts to Will and Margot wrapped in sheets.  I took one look at Margot and I was like, boo, thanks for nothing.  But then I took one look at Will Smith and I was like at least I didn’t have to see Big Willy style.


Movies like this are cool because you don’t know who’s conning who.  It isn’t until the end of the movie that you get to see all of your guesses are completely wrong.  Still it is interesting to see how the break down the con during the movie.  Everything fits together so neat.   It makes me envious because they leave with millions and I can’t even seem to be able to walk away with someone’s pen.