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57 Year Old Man Breaks Space Jump Record – Without Breaking His Legs

A 57 year old guy just broke the stratosphere jump record. He wanted to keep it low key. But every article wanted to mention he is old.

Nice job media. This guy jumps from 25 miles up in the air, and all you can ask is where’s his walker. Hey media, I think he is still a little too young to be sucking a steak through a straw.

It seems like this guy just wanted to see if he could do it. So instead of spending money on a space capsule like the Red Bull guy, he was probably was like, “Do you think I could just wrap my spacesuit in some duct tape.”

So his video is a little ghetto, especially compare it to the video produced by Red Bull. The red bull guys video is so intense, that whenever I see it I always feel like I’m going to vomit.

But when I watch the 57 year old guy’s video I’m like that was a disappointment. His video looks like it was edited by a five year old. If you are going to jump from space, you might want to save some money for a GoPro!

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My iPhone is More like iBend

People stood in line for days just to get the new iPhone. Just so they can be the first person to say I’m the first one to break it.

The iPhone seems to have a little bending problem. Especially if you like to wear tight pants, and you happen to like sitting. But the crazy thing is everyone still wants this phone. Even if it eventually looks like an expensive doorstop.


That is the magic of Apple. They are selling a lifestyle product. As long as your lifestyle includes not having six hundred dollars in your pocket.

The straight dope: Apple is awesome. But the phone may need a little more work. I think not being the first to own it is a good plan.

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How Green is your Olive Garden

So Olive Garden decided to offer seven weeks of unlimited pasta for one hundred dollars. Sounds like a good idea until it’s time to meet your new friend Jenny Craig.

The reason Olive Garden is offering the pasta pass is their sales are declining. They need to get people in the door. The only problem is once a person has a pasta pass, he may never leave. Unless he wants a Chipotle burrito.

I don’t even know if it is even possible to eat one hundred dollars of pasta. Maybe Olive Garden will be like there aren’t enough hours in the day. Why don’t you just turn our table into a bed.

People love this promotion so much that they are reselling it on eBay for three hundred dollars. Have you ever tried to buy three hundred dollars of pasta? You would probably have to talk to the grocery store manager and say, “Looks like I’m taking the whole isle. And I am going to need something large to cook this in. Do you have a pool.”


Olive Garden has to take out Chipotle to survive. So they are offering unlimited breadsticks and salad. When was the last time you went to a restaurant and said, “They are going to be so sorry they just gave me unlimited salad.” Maybe its just me and about a million other people, but I think I’ll go with the burrito bowl.

The straight dope: There are big changes in the casual dining space. Chipotle has decimated the completion with cheap good food. I like Olive Garden but they are just adding a promotion and not changing the game like Chipotle.

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The Colorado Green Rush

It must be really hard to be a Colorado resident. Because no matter how good the snow, there is always that one tool on the slope who says “Yeah, but how is the pot.”

Colorado went from being a state known for its natural beauty, to being known as a really good place to score some weed. Little dispensaries are popping up everywhere. In fact, in one month the state of Colorado made 24 million dollars off of pot. However, in the same exact month I’m pretty sure they gave out 48 million dollars in food stamps. Hey, apparently marijuana makes you hungry. And makes you spend all your money on sticky icky.

Everybody is jumping in on the game. There is a company that makes a vending machine for pot. This is a good idea until you pay one hundred dollars just to watch your pot get stuck in the machine. That is the only time you will see a pot head get mad.


Wall street investors don’t care. They sent this vending machine stock from 23 dollars to 93 dollars in 5 trading sessions. It was at this point all the guys who own the dispensaries were like, “I’m in the wrong business.”

Straight dope: There is a Green Rush going on in pot. Money is able to be made in every portion of the industry. Choose your investment wisely. Even if there is pot involved, you probably shouldn’t invest in a vending machine stock. The jury is still out about the social implications of legalization. The only real case study we have is the drug tolerance in the Netherlands.

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Clippers for Sale

The old guy who owns the Clippers basketball team decided to confide some racist comments to his girlfriend. In turn, she decided to record his every word. I don’t know what it is up with these people who are uber rich. They get used to everyone saying yes. So it comes as a surprise when somebody finally says no. And that somebody was the NBA. The NBA was like our policy is to not deal with complete idiots. You are going to sell the team.


The messed up part is he bought the team for 12 million in the 1980’s. And now he might sell them for 2 billion dollars. That would be really unfair if he wasn’t freaking old. I mean, there is only so much more damage he can do. One crazy thing about selling the team is he might not have to pay taxes. Another bastard move. Hopefully he spends it all on a one way ticket to his own private island

The straight dope:
As our society becomes more diverse then hopefully comments and actions like this will become a memory of the past. But from a money aspect all of us could use a closer look into how we pay taxes. The goal of tax should be to benefit society and ourselves.

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Heartbleed What?

Everyone is scared about that Heartbleed virus. This thing was created to steal all your internet passwords. And that is sort of a bastard thing to do. Especially because nobody had a clue it was running in the background for the past couple of years.

But now that we know what did we do about it? That’s right, nothing. The biggest security threat in years and the best repose IT guys got was yeah, Heartbleed can have anything it wants in my Yahoo. Besides, all Yahoo gives me is a whole bunch of spam.


Maybe we would be more motivated to change our passwords if IT didn’t make it look so easy. We all have that one IT guy in our company who knows way too much about computers. And he will fix pretty much anything for Funyuns and a Coke.

I did change my passwords because I like having money. I lose enough money to wall street bid/ask price. I don’t need Heartbleed to help me.

The straight dope: Change your passwords on the sites that matter. DJIA should still be moving on up. Just enjoy the ride.

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High Frequency Trading

Ever since Michael Lewis wrote his book “Flash Boys” everybody on Wall street has been on the offensive. This is because his book highlights another way smart people have figured out to turn the computer into an ATM.

People are concerned about front running. This is when you place an order to buy a stock but before it gets filled smart people with fast computers buy and sell the stock back to you at a higher price. This is a level of skimming that would even impress the mob.


Wall street argues computers have improved everything. Back in the day the price you got was horrible. Now, you can look forward to just getting screwed.

The straight dope: If you want to buy stocks, this is the system we got. Sure not everything is transparent, but at least we live in a place where things like this can be exposed. I’m going to still buy stocks, but at least I know where some of my money is going now.

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The Stock Market is in a Bubble

Doesn’t it seem like we’re always in a bubble. The worst part is the experts say when the bubble pops it’s going to be really bad. They don’t tell you when or how bad. They just like to make sure if you’re going to buy stocks, then you might want to buy brand new underwear.

A stock market bubble is tricky because when you’re in it every moment is occupied by thoughts like this is great, I can’t believe my stock goes up every day and I’m out once I get all my money from the last crash. Not making that mistake again. Right.


Then there is the people who know there is a bubble, but are too afraid to jump in. So they sit on the sidelines with a face like they just discovered lemon for the first time. They warn stocks just can’t keep on going up. But every day they do.

The Straight Dope – Yes we are in a bubble. Best way to approach this is to dollar cost average until the thing looks like it is going to pop. Once you sell be happy with what you got.

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Don’t Be Scared of The Market

Taking a loss on a stock really hurts. When you finally commit to selling that loser it gives you pain. Around double the amount compared to the good feelings from a gain. That’s like laying down on the tracks and
letting the train roll over you twice. Nobody likes that.

But it’s those negative emotions that can keep us from getting into the market in the first place. Especially when everybody says the market is up to much. Well, I read a great book recently “Markets never forget (but people do) ” and we tend to miss a gain worrying about a potential loss.

The market is up 2/3 of the time. Probability says if you are scared about a drop eventually you will be right. But you are also going to be poor.


In the great wise words of Ron Popeil sometimes it is worth it to
“Set it and Forget it.”

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The January Effect

Now that January is over, everybody in the stock market can agree…that pretty much sucked.  Not just a little but a whole lot.  The scary thing is Wall Street believes if January is down, then there is more to come.  You may want a good year, but it’s not going to happen

The rule of Wall Street is to buy low and sell high.  Anybody not willing to sell now must not be able to hear the fat lady sing.  In fact, I believe she is getting a little hoarse  But if you are not a fan of ladies then you are probably not a fan of bears, bulls or turtles.  Your investment style probably matches more like an ostrich.


The straight dope:  We all know the market doesn’t listen to the calendar it listens to old white dudes.  I think those old white dudes are calling for a sell.  My program triggered DJIA sell at 16374 on 1/14/14.