ADD review: In La La Land boy meets girl, girl gets mad at boy, so then boy makes girl into a snooty Hollywood actress. And while all of this is going on be prepared to see a whole bunch of singing and dancing coming straight out of nowhere.
Everything You Need To Know About This Movie In A 2 Minute Silly Screenplay:
La La Land starts out with Emma Stone ogling Ryan Gosling like he’s ten times hotter than the sun. But when she tries to talk to him, Gosling doesn’t say a word because he just got fired by the Farmer’s insurance guy.
Months later Stone runs into Gosling at a pool party where he is in a band playing the most embarrassing instrument in the world – the keytar.
Hey piano man I’m going to get you back by requesting all of the stupid songs of the 80’s.
Well then I’m going to pretend to hate you until it’s time to spontaneously break out in song and dance.
Moments later they look out onto the beautiful LA skyline and go “It’s time to get our Fred and Ginger on. Let’s sing about how much the view sucks.”
GOSLING (singing and dancing)
I’m still pretending to hate you and this view that reminds me of emoji poo.
STONE (singing and dancing)
On that one thing we agree so now it’s time for me to get in my bougie prius and leave.
The problem is they don’t make a plan to meet up. So months later Gosling just randomly shows up at the coffee shop where Stone works.
I didn’t mean to be a creeper but you’re like the only chick in LA without a phone.
Fortunately, I forgive you because you’re so damn hot. Now why don’t you meet me for my break so I can tell you my whole life story in ten minutes.
Next they plan a date to watch Rebel Without A Cause. But when Stone arrives late to the movie she figures the best way to find Gosling is by standing right in front of the screen.
Girl, get over here before the audience breaks out the rotten tomatoes.
As they watch the movie their hands touch and then they both move in for the kiss. But that’s when the film burns through, the lights turn on and they both get turned off.
Wow, that’s the first time I’ve ever been cock blocked by Mr. James Dean.
Don’t worry, we can continue our date by breaking into Griffith Park Observatory and commit a super romantic felony.
After this, they have a full on relationship movie montage. And it’s all romance and flowers until the montage ends and the couples check engine light comes on.
Ever since you took that job touring with a band you’ve sort of become a pretentious LA douche.
So does that mean you’re not going on tour with me or you just don’t like cash?
Now while Gosling is being successful in a band, Stone puts on a one woman show that plays to an audience of almost no one. Since her acting career and relationship are both in a tailspin, Stone goes back home to the bustling metropolis of Boulder City. Then days later Gosling just shows up.
I know you hate me, but I’m here to pick you up for a casting call for a movie that has like a one percent chance of hiring you. But I think you’re going to get the part because that’s what’s going to cinch us the Oscar win.
Stone gets the part. Then she moves to Paris and becomes a famous actress. Meanwhile Gosling stays in LA and opens up his own jazz club. Then one night five years later Stone’s idiot husband takes her to Gosling’s club for the most awkward moment ever.
Babe you okay?
Not really. You see that super hot guy playing the piano? I just imagined how complete my life would have been if I made the right choice and married him. Not that I don’t love you, but you’re like the husband equivalent of a second place ribbon.
More Funny Reviews at comicpopcorn.com.