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Central Intelligence Is A Look Into What Will Happen To The Agency Under President Trump

Dwayne the rock johnson and kevin hart from the movie central intelligence. Kevin hart is facing the camera with a gun in his hand. Dwayn Johnson is back to back to kevin hart looking to the right. The background is yellow with the words written central intelligence

Central Intelligence is a buddy movie with Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson playing a goofy CIA agent and Kevin Hart playing an accountant with the strength of a little girl.

The movie starts out with Johnson as a kid in high school with a body that is less like a rock and more like a bowl of Jello.  Fortunately when Johnson gets depantsed in front of the whole school, Hart is there to save him and go, “This is not cool it’s just gross.”

Then years go by and Hart becomes an accountant who’s like, “You know my life kind of blows.”  He needs a change, so he accepts a Facebook request from Johnson who now looks like a Greek god but still acts like a giddy thirteen year old boy.

dwayne the rock johnson and kevin hart from the move central intelligence. Johnson is in a yellow public enemy shirt holding a gun and turning his head toward kevin hart to speak. Kevin hart is in a blue sweater looking up scared listening. They are standing infront of a cinderblock wall. Written meme Just so you know I like to work out, shoot guns and wear fanny packs

Once Hart and Johnson hang out, at the end of the night Johnson is like, “That was fun.  By the way can you use your skills as an accountant to look up a super sketchy bank account online?  Oh yeah, and can I crash on your couch and wear your pajamas?”  Then Hart wakes up the next morning to a non voluntary breakfast with the CIA.

The agents tell Hart that Johnson is trying to sell codes to some bad guys so that they can control the US satellite system.  And Hart is like, “Are we talking about the same guy?  Because the one I know likes to work out and watch Pretty in Pink.”

But the agents convince Hart that Johnson is suspect, and they all go to his office.  That’s when Johnson shows up and tells Hart, “Now you’re working with me because that account you looked up happened to be way illegal.”  Next there is a big fire fight with all of the CIA agents.  Then Johnson puts Hart into a mail cart.  Then they bust through a window, fall several stories onto an inflatable ape and just steal some poor guys Uber.

Next Hart tries to ditch The Rock but Mr Johnson just keeps on showing up like a bad hemorrhoid.  Like when Hart tries to warn his wife about the danger he’s in at couples therapy only to find out The Rock is playing the counseling doctor.

Kevin Hart and Dwayne the Rock Johnson from the movie central intelligence. Johnson is in a sweater vest and tie sitting on the couch with Kevin Hart cradled in his hands. Johnson is looking like he is thinking about something. There are books in the background. Written meme hunh...this is like the most awkward wrestling hold ever

But eventually Hart turns Johnson into the CIA.  But then Hart realizes that maybe Johnson isn’t the bad guy after all and that leader of the CIA is after the codes.  Which makes you wonder, “Why are they making this comedy so complex?”

Fortunately everything comes to a head in the end when Johnson and his former partner Aaron Paul try to sell the codes to the same bad guy.  This is when there is a huge gun battle.  Then The Rock and Paul fight each other until Kevin Hart shoots Johnson in the ass.  This gives Paul an opportunity to explain in detail why he is the real bad thus giving The Rock ample time to recover and give Paul some of what he’s been cooking.

The ADD Movie Review:  The movie has some funny parts but it’s way confusing.  Fortunately most of the funny parts involve Johnson being a living hulk with the mind of a teenage boy.

Gas guage dark grey with light grey background. The needle is red pointing to the number 1/2. Written next the gas gauge is how full the theater was on opening day. Comic Popcorn Theater Gas Gauge

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San Andreas Movie Is About When The Earth Turns It Up To Eleven

San Andreas is a movie about a big earthquake.  But the most stressful part of this movie is seeing it in California.  Because you don’t know if this the big one or some punk playing with the bass.

mjfox_speaker_turn_it_up_to_11

The main hero of the movie is Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson.  Perfect California’s in trouble and we call the inventor of the peoples elbow.

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If he can’t save us, then maybe The Governator can.

So the movie starts out in LA and then it gets destroyed.  Then they move to San Francisco and it gets destroyed.  Then they fly over Bakersfield and the producer is like, “I don’t know how to make this city worse.  Maybe we should just add more looting than normal.”

First The Rock saves his wife in LA.  Then he flies up to San Francisco to save his daughter.  Hey Rock thanks for forgetting to save everyone else.

But the problem is when The Rock gets San Francisco there is a tsunami.  And to get to his daughter he needs to drive over the top.  So he of coarse he does it because he’s not afraid of some stupid jabroni wave.  Hey you can never get enough cheesy one-liners.

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The Straight Dope:  The earthquakes in this movie are scary, but a little less so when you realize some of the scenes look like the back lot tour?  Maybe I would be a little more scared if they added a giant fake shark.  But  definitely go see this movie for the pure entertainment value and the earthquake special effects.

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