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The Get Hard Movie Pushes Stereotypes with Wang Jokes

Get Hard is a movie about Will Ferrell going to prison for embezzlement.  And he’s about as hard as a wet marshmallow.  He’s not ready for a night in jail.  He’s not ready for a night in the Ramada.

Now the biggest hurdle to seeing this movie is saying, “One for Get Hard.”  Pretty much impossible to not make it sound like you’re some kind of pervert.


But they do push the stereotypes.  So you find yourself laughing and then quickly looking around for validation it’s okay.  Some scenes push the envelope so much you may think, I’d be more comfortable if this movie was a porn.  Where’s the fast forward.

In this movie, Kevin Hart trains Ferrell to survive prison.  He must have looked at the script and been like, “So you’re telling me you’ll pay me a lot of money to hit Will Ferrell in the face with pepper spray.  Just curious, how much will you pay me to give him the chair.”


Harts jail training consists of getting Ferrell ready to fight.  And then when that fails Hart tells Ferrell, “We jut need to make you good at handing a dude’s wang.”  Yeah this is when it’s really uncomfortable to be in a theater with thirty strangers.

But eventually Ferrell learns Hart has not been to prison.  And so there is a fallout between them that lasts all of five minutes.  Next thing you know both of them are working together going, “Hey, now that we wasted twenty nine days of training why don’t we figure out who framed you.  We have a whole twenty four hours left.”

It’s nice to see Hart in this role.  As for Will Ferrell he plays the super trusting white guy, basically reprising his role as buddy the elf, minus the cool green hat.

Straight dope:  Go see this movie if you like stereotypes and jokes about dude sausage.


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The Movie Unfinished Business Gives Unfinished Laughs

You ever notice Vince Vaughn is usually down on his luck in the movies.  He’s never like, “I’m good I’ll just be over here chillin’ with my safe full of cash.”  No his life is more like the worst country song times ten.

This trend continues in Unfinished Business.  Vaughn and his business partners are put in a winner take all scenario in Germany.  Which is perfect because I don’t think Vaughn would work well in a place like Utah.  Hard to entertain if your only option is bowling and all you can drink soda.

There are a couple of funny scenes in the movie.  The only problem is, to get there you have to sit through a thirty minutes of story.

But, the best part in the movie is when Vaughn and Franco are in a bathroom talking to guys using a glory hole.  If you are curious what a glory hole is then you probably don’t like your computer.  Even Google is like, “Did you mean to download all the viruses on the internet?”


But what makes this scene awesome is how they make it uncomfortable.  Vaughn is surrounded by a whole bunch of dudes and Franco says hello by giving a handshake to a guys junk.  It was funny at the time, but now it just sounds really gross.  You may not want to bring out that story at Sunday dinner.

Fortunately the movie has a couple Vince Vaughn motivational speeches.  He has this special ability to make you say, “Vaughn makes no sense but I totally agree.  Where can I send him all my cash.”

The final verdict on the movie is the story was a little slow and there could have been more laughs.


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Hot Tub Time Machine 2 – Yeah They Actually Made It

There’s nothing better than turning a hot tub into a time machine.  Unless of coarse you add the number two.

At first I was hesitant to see the movie because there’s no John Cusack.  But then I thought, maybe they’re just giving us a Darin switch.  Like in Bewitched, gloss over John Cusack even existed.  But in Hot Tub Time Machine 2 they decide to introduce John Cusak’s son.  So I spent half of the movie thinking, who invited this idiot.  I’m pretty sure no one asked for Cusack lite. 

The big question is did Hot Tub Time Machine jump the shark.  With this sequel it’s more like they jumped the sharknado. 


The goal of the movie is to figure out who shot Lou.  And I only know this because they mentioned it like thirty times.  But it seemed like every time they got close to solving the murder, it was time for another scene about dudes junk. 

I still love the fact that the characters repeatedly mess up the space-time continuum.  Steven Hawking is probably like, “I know the theory of everything, but I still can’t figure out how they time travel using a hot tub.” 


The funny thing is when I looked up Hot Tub Time Machine 2, I got an ad for an actual hot tub.  At first I was annoyed, but the more I thought about it I realized I could really go for a good soak.  Never underestimate the power of Google. 

Next week I try to sit through Never Lose Focus – the new Will Smith movie.

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The Interview Takes On North Korea

The best thing about the Interview movie is that North Korea is afraid of two actors who love making movies about pot.  I mean how secure are you if the final nail in the coffin for your country comes from a comedy about honeydicking.

Apparently you can do anything with puppets.  But when it comes to a movie with real people the only way you get to see it is if you put on your favorite holiday bullet proof vest.


Comedy is great because it highlights all our insecurities.  It’s hard to know if Team America World Police was making more fun of Korea or America.  But at least we know who’s always number one (f’yeah!).

But that’s America rolls.  We make fun of anything as long as we get paid.  So I think Franco and Rogen are in good company.  Comedy is a path to change.  Comedy also happens to be excellent path to living in your mom’s basement.

The straight dope:  Why send over weapons or have cyber war when we can just give North Korea a movie from two dudes who dress up like Kim and Kanye on a bike.

Make comedy not war.