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Masterminds Shows Us That A Fool And His Money Is Parted In About Three Months

zach galifianakis, owen wilson, kristen wiig and jason sudeikis from the movie masterminds. Owen wilson is wearing an american red white and blue jacket, he is sucking on a lolly pop. Zach galifianakis is is a pink shirt with purple pants and has a bob hairstyle with bangs. Kristen Wiig has her arm on Galifianakis and a hand on her hip looking seductively to the camer. She has a pager on her skirt. Jason Sudeikis is grabbing the side of his glasses bringing them down. He has a mustache. He is is a peach shirt unbuttoned to expose a white undershirt. Behind them is a cloud in a blue sky with the word masterminds written in red

In Masterminds Zach Galifianakis is a part time armored car driver and a full time idiot. Now he is set to marry Kate McKinnon until he realizes that chick is 50 shades of weird.  Also he realizes he is truly in lust with trailer park princess Kristen Wiig.

zach galifianakis and kate mckinnon from the movie masterminds. Kate mckinnon is in a white wedding dress sitting at a picnic table holding zachs hand. There is a candeabra lit in front of them. Zach is wearing the phantom of the opera mask and cape. He is also wearking jeans shorts and has one leg up on the seat of the table. He has a cold chain. Written meme: nothing says wedding memories like phantom of the trailer park

And once Owen Wilson hears Galifiankis is sweet on Kristen he sees a hillbilly opportunity.  That’s when Wilson convinces Kristen to seduce Galifianakis into stealing 17 million dollars from his job.  The plan is for Galifianakis to take the money and then take a one way trip to Mexico with the most ridiculous disguise possible.

zach galifianakis from the movie masterminds with a blond long hair wig, cat eye contacts, a beard, gold chain and a white muscle shirt. Written meme: apparently in Mexico this look isn't even scrathcing the surface of weird

But the messed up part is, once the job is done, Wilson keeps the 17 million and Galifianakis gets $20,000 and a bad case of Montezuma’s revenge.  And while Galifianakis chills down in Mexico, Wilson repeatedly convinces Kristen she is doing the right thing.  Meanwhile Wilson takes the 17 million and buys a mansion, a BMW and the hillbilly equivalent of “we know we finally made it” a golden framed portrait of velvet Elvis.

But eventually, Galifianakis runs low on money.  He then finds out Wilson is behind the whole heist and Kristen is not going to be meeting him south of the border.  And to make things even worse, Wilson sends Jason Sudeikis down to Mexico to make Galifianakis really dead.

jason sudeikis from masterminds. He is wearing a striped shirt and glasses. He his rasing his hand in a hi gesture. Written meme: Hi. Just so you know, I'll be your killer for the evening

And Sudeikis is looking forward to the killing until he learns that Galifianakis has the same exact name and birth date.  Then he’s like, “This is crazy.  I can’t kill a brother, so why don’t we just hang and forget the whole murder thing.”  Which made me go, “Good thing this is a comedy, because that makes absolutely no sense.”

Next Galifianakis tries to get money from Wilson, but then learns that Kristen is being held hostage.  So he goes back to the good ole USA and crashes Wilson’s ghetto housewarming party.  Then Galifianakis rescues Kristen, steals a BMW and then promptly wrecks it into the front gate.  That’s when Wilson comes up and admits he was the mastermind of everything in front of a secret FBI van.  Which is very convenient because at this point I think they ran out of story.

ADD Movie review: This movie is funny in parts.  And you’ll love it if you have ever dreamed of seeing what would happen if somebody dumber than Ricky Bobby robbed a bank.

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In Sausage Party We Learn Food Is Alive, Has Feelings And Curses Like A Crusty Old Sailor

poster from sausage party movie. The poster has a frank with eyes and a smile. The words on the poster are sausage party in red and a her will rise written in black

The movie starts out with a package of wieners doing their best to let the buns know they just can’t wait to get up in that.  All they are waiting for is the human gods to choose them so they can bust out of their package and make this sausage party happen.

Every food in the store has the idea that once they get chosen all their dreams will come true.  But when honey mustard gets selected and then returned he’s like, “Guess what idiots, it’s pure hell.”

sausage party the movie with a hot dog cut in half. He is split between the eyes with his mouth open. There is a lady with a knife in the background. The picture next to him is of michael phelps with a stern concentrated expression. He looks mad and concentrating. Phelps is wearing a blue hoodie with a red stripe. This is at a US mens swim meet at the olypics in rio. Written meme: not too many things worse than the michael phelps stare of death

Our hero Frank blows off this comment when he and his boys finally get put in a cart and all they can think about is getting it in.  Then the next item in the cart is an actual douche who acts like a cast member of the Jersey Shore.  Meanwhile, honey mustard gets chosen again and immediately goes to commit food suicide.  Frank and his bun girlfriend Brenda try to save honey mustard but instead make half the cart drop to the ground like a scene in Apocalypse Now.

At this point Douche is on the ground mad at Frank because he’s a damaged product no longer DTF.  But right before a fight goes down, Douche is cleaned up by The Dark Lord who is just a nerdy disgruntled employee.  And in the back while Douche is dying he gets the bright idea to juice up by drinking a dying juice box.  This gives him guns and the power to say, “Looks like it’s time to smash a little sausage.”

Fortunately, Frank and Brenda get away and pick up Sammy the Bagel and Pita who are food frenemies.  And on the way back to their food sections, Frank convinces the crew to take a little detour to the liquor section.  This is when Frank meets firewater who shows him the truth about the great beyond by getting him really high.

sausage party movie with the firewater character dressed up like an indian. twinkie has white hair and is holding a kazoo as a pipe. They are both sitting in front of a flame. Written meme: to learn the truth you must get high because this is a seth rogen movie

Meanwhile the rest of the food that made it home with the human god learns the great beyond is just a great way to die.  Luckily a wiener named Barry escapes and is able to hitch a ride to a fat human stoner’s house.  This is where Barry meets Gum who rolls out in a wheelchair like the Stephen Hawking of food.  Next they hatch a plan to take down the human gods and finally move up one notch on the food chain.

In final showdown, Barry and Gum go back to the store and make the human shoppers high on bath salts to show them food talks, sees and wears white little gloves.  As the humans are freaking the eff out, Douche takes control of The Dark Lord buy inserting himself in The Dark Lords glory hole.  But that’s when the whole store fights back and takes out Douche/The Dark Lord by making them go boom.  Then all of the food makes the rest of the humans into dead frozen treats.  And to celebrate this victory, the whole store has the best food orgy ever recorded on screen.

ADD Movie Review:  If you like sausage go see this party.  It’s wrong, the stereotypes are wrong but the movie is all good.

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Ghostbusters Has Ladies, Ghosts And More Slime Than A Nickelodeon Award Show

ghostbusters poster with liam hemsworth standing in a sweatervest, tie and glasses. Kate Mckinnon has yellow sunglasses with poofed up blonde hair. She has a proton pack wepon on her shoulders, Melissa Mccarthy is in the center of the picture wearing glasses, she has a proton punch weapon in the left hand, she is wearing a grey suit with white and orange stripes and black boots, Kristen Wiig is standing there with a grey suit with orange and white stripes, Leslie Jones has a protan pack on and a look of what's up in her face, the car ecto 1 is in the background with the lights on. The ghost in the no symbol is in the background.

Ghostbusters starts out with Kristen Wiig meeting a ghost and then getting a boatload of ectoplasm to the face.  Once this happens she turns to Melissa McCarthy and goes, “We’re not crazy, ghosts are real.  And by the way my whole body is filled with ghost puke.”

The problem is when she goes to work the next day, the dean of her college is like, “I saw your little video online and congrats, you just lost your job you weird ghost lady.”  Fortunately McCarthy and Kate McKinnon invite Wiig to join their paranormal team at a college that’s ranked just above DeVry.

Kate Mckinnon from ghostbusters in a lab with yellow goggles strapped to her forehead. She has a drink straw in her mouth and is holding a drink. She is winking and wearing a red jacket. Written meme looks like you want to join our little band of weirdos

But when Steve Higgins the dean of the college hears they want to hire Wiig he’s like, “To be real, I didn’t even know your department existed.  So, thanks for letting me know.  You’re all fired and just so we’re clear here’s the bird.”

That’s when all of the girls leave and take every piece of equipment not nailed to the ground.  But now the only space they can afford is a ghetto office right above a Chinese restaurant.  And the only receptionist they can afford is Chris Hemsworth who has the muscles of Thor and the intellect of a rock.

Now everything gets exciting when Leslie Jones sees a casper in the subway and is like, “That’s a ghost, and I don’t get paid enough for this.  So why don’t I join those lady ghost hunters and see if I can work for free.”

leslie jones from ghostbusters standing in a hotel with smoke and a green light. She is standing with her arms crossed. She has a proton pack on with a gun in her hand. She is in a ghostbusters suit that is tan with orange and white stripes. Written meme don't hate me because I'm beautiful and I come with my own hearse

In short order, the girls get busier and busier because a tool named Neil Casey is charging up spots around the city to release apparitions and just be an overall creepy dude.  Eventually the ghost sightings lead to Casey in a basement trying to set up a vortex to release an eff load of ghosts.  Fortunately the ladies are able to stop him but not before he kills himself.  And the reason Casey does this is just so he can become a ghost to possess McCarthy and be even more weird.

Casey takes over McCarthy until Jones is like, “I’m gonna slap the ghost right out of you.”  But that’s when Casey moves to Hemsworth who is able to open the vortex with a little muscle power and a whole lot of good looks.

Then it’s a giant ghost party where the ladies get to kill a float sized Stay Puft marshmallow man, a giant size ghost from the ghostbuster logo and anything else that moves.  Fortunately, the ladies figure out to put all the ghosts back into the vortex all they need to do is set off a nuclear bomb.  That’s when they trick Slimer into driving ecto-1 into the vortex and then light him up like it’s Christmas day.

ADD Movie Review:  The first movie is a classic, but the ladies do pull their weight in this flick.  There’s action, comedy and a whole bunch of killing ghosts who are already dead.

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Mike And Dave Need Wedding Dates Is The Summer Dude/Bro Comedy For Morons

Anna Kendrick, Zac Efron, Adam DeVine and Aubrey Plaza in the poster for mike and dave need wedding dates. All four of them are laying on the grass. Anna Kendrick is in a pink dress holding red lip stick, Zac Efron is asleep with his shirt open. There is a drawing of a tuxedo, mustache, monocle, watch and dragon on his chest in red lip stick, Adam devine is asleep with a bikini top, rabbit, flower and mustache draw on him in red lipstick. Aubrey Plaza is looking directly at the camera in a pink dress holding red lipstick

In Mike and Dave Need Wedding Dates Adam DeVine and Zac Efron act like complete buffoons.  They play two brothers who have the talent of looking nothing like each other and completely ruining every event.

In this movie DeVine and Efron need dates for their sister’s wedding.  So to find some quality girls they decide to make an ad on craigslist.  This gem of a strategy gets them giggly girls, lesbians and a dude in drag.

mike and dave need wedding dates with adam devine in a blue muscle shirt and Zac Efron in a muscle shirt. Adam Devine is talking and Zac Efron has his arm on Devine's shoulder. Written meme not gonna lie, I didn't expect that craigslist ad to give us a dude dressed up in drag

But things get really exciting when their ad goes viral and they get a guest spot on that well know dating show Wendy Williams.  That’s when Anna Kendrick and Aubrey Plaza see the guys for the first time and go, “They’re going to take us to Hawaii and all we need to do is look respectable as f-ck.”

So the ladies get dressed up and then Plaza gets DeVine’s attention by intentionally getting hit by a car.  Then DeVine “saves her life” by giving her some super sketchy CPR.  Next they all go to a bar where Plaza and Kendrick straight up lie to hitch that ride to Hawaii.  But once the couples get to Hawaii, Plaza seductively whispers to DeVine, “You know what’s sexy, letting me and my girl stay in a room by ourselves.”

Later on things get even hotter when Plaza gets hit on by Alice Wetterlund who plays a lesbian casanova named cousin Terry. DeVine does not like Wetterlund hitting on his girl, but he realizes he can’t compete when Wetterlund is like, “I’m gonna get your girl cause you dress like the wall paper in a Long John Silvers bathroom.”

mike and dave need wedding dates with adam devine in a blue hawaiian shirt and hawaiian pants combo with anchors, trees and boats on the shirt and pants. He is walking confidently with aubrey plaza on his right arm. She is wearing a pink dress. Written meme this look screams an ohio player lands in Hawaii

Next, to spice things up, Kendrick convinces everyone to skip dolphin watching to go on an ATV tour.  During the tour Kendrick takes a jump and makes it.  Plaza takes the same jump and makes it with a crazy trick.  Then DeVine takes the same jump and lands the ATV right on his sister’s head.  This accident prompts Devine to say, “Wow, now you look like burn victim Barbie.”

Not a day later, DeVine and Efron mess up things even more.  At the rehearsal dinner, the guys don’t realize their mics are live and they have an argument about how the bride got a pre wedding massage that gave her prenuptial orgasm.  This has the effect of killing the whole wedding.  But fortunately the next day DeVine, Efron, Kendrick and Plaza realize, “You know maybe we’re just all self absorbed douchebags.”  So they do their best to make the wedding happen again.  And everything is going well until they blow up the wedding with a bunch of illegal Chinese fireworks.

ADD Movie Review:  This movie has some funny parts.  DeVine and Plaza have great comic timing but cousin Terry steals the show.  I mean, how can you not love a player lesbian who dresses like an extra in Miami Vice.

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Central Intelligence Is A Look Into What Will Happen To The Agency Under President Trump

Dwayne the rock johnson and kevin hart from the movie central intelligence. Kevin hart is facing the camera with a gun in his hand. Dwayn Johnson is back to back to kevin hart looking to the right. The background is yellow with the words written central intelligence

Central Intelligence is a buddy movie with Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson playing a goofy CIA agent and Kevin Hart playing an accountant with the strength of a little girl.

The movie starts out with Johnson as a kid in high school with a body that is less like a rock and more like a bowl of Jello.  Fortunately when Johnson gets depantsed in front of the whole school, Hart is there to save him and go, “This is not cool it’s just gross.”

Then years go by and Hart becomes an accountant who’s like, “You know my life kind of blows.”  He needs a change, so he accepts a Facebook request from Johnson who now looks like a Greek god but still acts like a giddy thirteen year old boy.

dwayne the rock johnson and kevin hart from the move central intelligence. Johnson is in a yellow public enemy shirt holding a gun and turning his head toward kevin hart to speak. Kevin hart is in a blue sweater looking up scared listening. They are standing infront of a cinderblock wall. Written meme Just so you know I like to work out, shoot guns and wear fanny packs

Once Hart and Johnson hang out, at the end of the night Johnson is like, “That was fun.  By the way can you use your skills as an accountant to look up a super sketchy bank account online?  Oh yeah, and can I crash on your couch and wear your pajamas?”  Then Hart wakes up the next morning to a non voluntary breakfast with the CIA.

The agents tell Hart that Johnson is trying to sell codes to some bad guys so that they can control the US satellite system.  And Hart is like, “Are we talking about the same guy?  Because the one I know likes to work out and watch Pretty in Pink.”

But the agents convince Hart that Johnson is suspect, and they all go to his office.  That’s when Johnson shows up and tells Hart, “Now you’re working with me because that account you looked up happened to be way illegal.”  Next there is a big fire fight with all of the CIA agents.  Then Johnson puts Hart into a mail cart.  Then they bust through a window, fall several stories onto an inflatable ape and just steal some poor guys Uber.

Next Hart tries to ditch The Rock but Mr Johnson just keeps on showing up like a bad hemorrhoid.  Like when Hart tries to warn his wife about the danger he’s in at couples therapy only to find out The Rock is playing the counseling doctor.

Kevin Hart and Dwayne the Rock Johnson from the movie central intelligence. Johnson is in a sweater vest and tie sitting on the couch with Kevin Hart cradled in his hands. Johnson is looking like he is thinking about something. There are books in the background. Written meme hunh...this is like the most awkward wrestling hold ever

But eventually Hart turns Johnson into the CIA.  But then Hart realizes that maybe Johnson isn’t the bad guy after all and that leader of the CIA is after the codes.  Which makes you wonder, “Why are they making this comedy so complex?”

Fortunately everything comes to a head in the end when Johnson and his former partner Aaron Paul try to sell the codes to the same bad guy.  This is when there is a huge gun battle.  Then The Rock and Paul fight each other until Kevin Hart shoots Johnson in the ass.  This gives Paul an opportunity to explain in detail why he is the real bad thus giving The Rock ample time to recover and give Paul some of what he’s been cooking.

The ADD Movie Review:  The movie has some funny parts but it’s way confusing.  Fortunately most of the funny parts involve Johnson being a living hulk with the mind of a teenage boy.

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Popstar: Never Stop Never Stopping Is The Funny Version Of That Justin Bieber Movie We All Hate

In Popstar: Never Stop Never Stopping Andy Samberg, Jorma Taccone and Akiva Schaffer act like a bunch of boy band idiots.  Yeah, these guys channel a tiny bit of N Sync and way too much Bieber Fever.

But their boy band fun only lasts so long until one day Samberg goes,  “Looks like, I’m the only one with talent.  See ya suckers!”  And that’s when Akiva gets pissed off and goes off the grid to become a weed farmer.  This leaves Jorma in the cold until Samberg is like, “Ok I’ll let you be my DJ as long as you can learn how to push play on an iPod.”

With the new change in the line up, Samberg becomes a megastar which makes him think he’s better than God.  Which also makes him about half good as Kanye West.

andy samberg from popstar movie sitting in a chair with a dark shiny hoody on and neck chains. Written meme I may be more of a genius than kanye west

But now that Samberg has huge head, he releases an album that inspires people to say, “Wow that is real crap.”  Fortunately his manager Tim Meadows is there to completely mislead Samberg about reality.  Meadows is like, “Record sales are not good, but you know what is good?  Partnering with a company that can upload your music into every appliance in the USA.”  Of coarse this backfires when Samberg is responsible for taking out the whole US power grid.

So to help things out Meadows brings an opening act on the tour.  This instantly  makes the tour number one, the opening act number one and Samberg to reason to beat traffic home.  To get his mojo back Samberg incorporates quick change dressing tricks into his show.  This is impressive until one time the curtain drops leaving a naked tucked Samberg.

andy samberg from popstar movie. Andy is sitting at a table with a mac computer in front of him. He is gesturing with his hands and talking; written meme you know what sucks? getting into a quick change curtain and coming out completely naked

So to reset the media cycle Samberg proposes to his girlfriend.  But during his over the top proposal the wolves he has on hand suddenly attack the singer Seal.  Then, Samberg has to cancel the tour and the appliance company drops him.  His downward spiral continues until he’s like, “Maybe I should get back to singing with Jorma and Akiva because on my own I’m just a giant douchebag.”

The ADD Movie Review:  This movie has every comedy star known to man.  And it’s a fun take on a completely idiotic profession.  The best performance by far is Justin Timberlake as Samberg’s personal chef and personal food stalker.

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Keanu Proves Gang Members Are Scary But Cat People Are Just Straight Up Crazy

When Key and Peele thought up Keanu they must have been like, “For our first movie let’s mash up ganstas and cats.”  Which is a weird mix because in the movie theater you usually don’t see people flying gang colors sitting next to people wearing a cat shirt of desperation.

The movie starts out with Keanu the kitten dodging bullets in a drug lab like a big furry boss.  He gets out of the lab and then runs all the way to Peele’s doorstep and straight into his heart.  

keanu_kitten

Now everything is going great until Keanu gets stolen.  So Key and Peele decide to go after him like Liam Neeson in Taken 1,2,3.  And the first place they go is right next door to Peele’s drug dealer played by Will Forte and his co-star of white boy corn rows.  And Forte is like, “Aww dude, you’re looking for Cheddar (Method Man) and his gang bangers who thought your place was mine and then treated your apartment like a tossed salad.  You can find him and Keanu in his stronghold located in a strip club called HPV.”

Luckily when Key and Peele meet Method Man they see Keanu.  And instantly Key is like, “Dude we just happen to be in the market for a gangster pet.”  Method Man is caught off guard first but then is like, “Alright, you look like those Allentown boys who shot up that drug lab.  If you do a job for me, I’ll give you the kitten and then we’ll truly find out if you’re not a pair of dweebs.”

method_man_keanu

So now they go on a drug run.  Peele gets to sell drugs to Anna Farris while Key tries to act all hard with the homies in his minivan.  Which becomes really difficult when Key’s playlist gets to George Michael.  And when one of the gang members says, “Is he black?”  Key is like, “Well, he is a little light skinned.”

Fortunately the deal is a success, which means one of the gang members makes Anna Farris and her friends really dead.  After the job Peele is shaken up and wants to go, but Key is like, “Let’s stay.  I’m kind of into the whole gangster talk and gangster walk.”  But this is when Key gets peer pressured into trying crack which makes him hallucinate like he’s shaking his booty with George Michael’s as he sings Faith.

Eventually Method Man figures out Key and Peele are not the gangsters he’s looking for.  But Method Man doesn’t care and just takes the guys to Luis Guzman to turn them in as the people who killed his drug lord cousin.  Instantly there is a big gun battle and a car chase which ends up with Key and Peele finally getting Keanu and the consolation prize of six months in jail.

The Straight Dope:  Key is the best part of the movie with lines like “wordness to the turdness.”  And if you are not satisfied with that, just enjoy the cutest kitten ever.

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Meet The Blacks Has The Thrills Of The Purge Mixed With The Comedy Stylings Of Booty Call

In Meet The Blacks Mike Epps takes a drug dealer’s money and goes, “Yep, time to buy that mansion in Beverly Hills.  Family we’re moving to a place where they don’t purge because they’re just too busy counting their cash and getting botox.”

But even in Beverly Hills Epps runs into an African guy outside his front door who wants to purge him because Epps wired his restaurant like crap. And Epps is like, “Dude you need to find somewhere else to point that ebola finger.”

Once Epps gets past the African dude, he sees George Lopez on the TV warning everyone about the purge as president El Bama.  Lopez is like, “No one is safe, not even you Jay Leno.  You better pick a fast car MFer.”

george_lopez_meet_the_blacks

Epps finally accepts the purge is on when his daughter’s boyfriend says hello by making him dance with a bullet.  But the boyfriend is bad at shooting and just ends up falling off of a balcony to become a human pancake.  Then Epps is like, “Ok, maybe it’s time for that panic room.”

Next the president of the home owners association Gary Owen shows up to the front door to purge Epps and his family.  Apparently Owen is upset that Epps doesn’t really have a credit score of 14,000.  And to pay back Epps, Owen has sent an invitation to every thug in Chicago.

The first person Epps runs into is Keyflo the drug dealer played by Juilliard great Charlie Murphy.  Murphy is like, “It’s one thing to take my money, but it’s another majorly effed up thing to walk off with my space heater.  I think I’m going to have to add some new colors to my jacket like brown and red.”  And all Epps can say is, “Whoever gave you that jacket is not your friend.”  Then Epps charges Murphy and gives him a clothes hook to the head.

After that adventure Epps walks into another room to find a demented Mike Tyson with hair taped to the side of his head looking like bozo the clown.

tyson_epps_meet_the_blacks

Tyson gets up close to Epps and lisps, “You never paid for your son’s platinum party package.”  And then Epps is like, “Man your breath smells like adult toys.”  That’s when Tyson gives him a beating until Epps cousin Cronut takes out a drill and gives Tyson’s dome a few vents for air conditioning.

But in the end Epps and his family survive.  They leave Beverly Hills and buy a nice cabin in the woods right next to a white dude who likes to carry a knife and dress up in a hockey mask.

The Straight Dope:  This movie has the same laughs and feel of that comedy classic Booty Call.  The non-stop cameos will make you laugh, especially the all star performance by Tyson the Clown.

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The Brothers Grimsby Has A Spy, An Idiot, And Way Too Much Elephant Junk

The Brothers Grimsby is a story about what happens when one brother becomes a world class spy and the other brother becomes a world class idiot.  And this tale is refreshing for us Americans because now we know not all Brits end up with a cool accent and bad teeth.  No some of them just end up dumb.

bond_powers_nobby

The movie opens with Sacha Baron Cohen having passionate sex with Rebel Wilson on a mattress in a store.  So from the get go it’s like Cohen is saying, “Strap in audience, I’m going to make you laugh at something really gross.”

Next we see Cohen’s MI6 brother Mark Strong at an AIDS event trying to stop an assassination. But Mark fails to shoot the assassin when Cohen decides to give his long lost brother Mark a full body bear hug.  That’s when Mark’s shot goes wide, hits a kid with AIDS and causes blood to squirt right into Daniel Radcliffe’s mouth.  Thus prompting Mark to say, “Brother what you’ve done in five minutes, Vodelmort couldn’t do in eight movies.”

So now that Mark has screwed up, Cohen takes him to the town of Grimsby to hide out.
But the moment Mark gets to Grimsby he reads a banner that says “Welcome home super secret spy.”  So the bad guys are like, “It’s time to kill these morons.”  But in the fire fight all the bad dudes die and Mark ends up with a poison dart to the junk.  And once Cohen learns he has to suck the poison out he’s goes, “Brother I’ve looked for you for 28 years, but now I realize I could’ve found you in five seconds on Grindr.”

the_brothers_grimsby_poison_dart

After this Cohen and Mark decide to go to South Africa to track down that bastard assassin.
But things get screwed up when Cohen is told to get some intel from a hot chick and he mistakes the hot chick for the maid played by Gabourey Sidibe.  As things get sexual that’s when you get treated to a screen shot of her baby maker.  Yeah good luck trying to unburn that from you mind.

Fortunately some bad guys interrupt this horrible event.  Then Cohen and Mark fight with the bad guys until they are able to slip away and hide in an elephants vagina.  Which is all kinds of wrong.  That is until Cohen and Mark become uninvited guests at an elephant sex party.  That’s right the boys are in a vagina and Mark’s gets an elephant battering ram to the grill.

Once the boys get out of this situation they learn the assassin gave Penelope Cruz a deadly virus to release at the World Cup.  This virus is going to be shot off in the fireworks at the game.  Since this is a Sacha Baron Cohen movie the only way to stop the spread of the virus is for Cohen and Mark to put the rockets up their butt.  But if you’ve made it to this point in the movie you’re probably like, “Yeah, I totally buy it.”

The Straight Dope:  See this movie if you think the perfect date is dinner at Chili’s, then a nice box of popcorn with a heaping helping of elephant wang.

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More Effin Funny Reviews at effinfunnyreview.com.

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Whiskey Tango Foxtrot Is A Woman’s Journey To Find Herself In Super Ghetto Afghanistan

In Whiskey Tango Foxtrot Tina Fey plays a reporter who’s told if you like your job then you’re really going to love moving to Afghanistan.  And the next thing she knows, she’s looking out the window like, “Yep, I’m in effin Kabul.  I know this because there are way too many goats.”

The moment Tina gets to Kabul Margot Robbie tells her, “I’m also a reporter and I would like to take your bodyguard in that room for a little game of Taliban sheet shuffle.”  And Tina is like, “Great.  I have a boyfriend and that guy’s a giant Australian tool.”

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But pretty much right after this, Tina gets sent on a mission with our military’s best and brightest who is played by General Billy Bob Thornton.  Once they encounter some hostiles the military guys are like, “Ma’am, stay in the vehicle.  This is a direct order from General Bad Santa.”  This is when Tina goes, “Sitting in this Humvee sucks.  I’m pretty sure bullets can hit my press badge.”  So she runs up to the fight and films the military using an $80,000 rocket to take out a couple of dudes in a pickup.  Way to go military.

Now after that adrenaline rush, Tina does a lot of partying and eventually hooks up with a Scottish reporter played by Martin Freeman.  But every time she hooks up with him she’s wakes up going, “Wow, I just keep on making the same mistake.  And by the way Scottish dude, it’s really not cool to use my toothbrush.”  But Freeman doesn’t care because he’s still able to win her over even though his voice has the romantic quality of Scottish bagpipes.

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But drama soon happens when Tina learns Margot is after her job and Freeman gets captured by the bad guys.  Fortunately Tina is able to convince General Thornton to take out a whole group of Taliban just to save one Scottish boy toy.

Once she has her man back Tina says, “That was scary.  Why don’t you come back to the states with me?”  And Freeman is like, “Yeah, I think I’ll take my chances here.  A bomb is way less scary than a house with a picket fence.”

The Straight Dope:  This movie has funny parts.  But to get to these parts you’ve got to eat, pray and love while wearing your steel magnolia traveling pants.

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More Effin Funny Reviews at effinfunnyreview.com.