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Fantastic Beasts And Where To Find Them Is A Magical Mystery Hunt For Monsters And Harry Potter Fans Who Don’t Like Money

In Fantastic Beasts And Where To Find Them Eddie Redmayne goes to NYC and loses magical creatures who are almost as dangerous as New York pizza rat.  To get these beasts back, Redmayne teams up with perpetually surprised Dan Fogler.  This is a good plan because Redmayne doesn’t know the city and he can’t talk to anyone directly in the face because he has the personality of Dr. Doolittle on Dramamine.

the movie fantastic beasts and where to find them with eddie redmayne in a dark brown suit. He has a silly quizzical look on his face. He is in a garden area. written meme: just so you know this is me being really excited

But before they start looking for these monsters the guys drop in on a witches apartment to get some grub.  One of the witches Queenie uses magic to whip up dinner and flirts 1920’s style with Fogler.  Which means they generate the sexual tension of a catholic middle school dance.

As soon as dinner is over Redmayne and Fogler go into Redmayne’s magical musty suitcase/fantastic creature jail.  The most impressive thing about is case is inside is a magical world with a sun, crazy animals and no sign of giant underwear.

Once the guys feed the animals in the case, they go out into NYC to find the other little bastards that escaped.  First they capture a mole like creature who hoards jewelry like an NYC pimp.  Then Redmayne tracks down a glowing rhino thing in Central park and seduces it with pheromones and rhino mating dance straight out of Chippendales.  Then the the guys disappear into the case for what I assume is the weirdest threesome ever.  

eddie redmayne and dan fogler from fantastic beasts and where to find them. Redmayne and fogler are in suits sitting on the steps. Redmayne is smiling like he is proud of himself. Fogler is in awe. Written meme: oh my god, I just realized we're stuck in a magical suit case with a sexually charged rhino. Thanks for an Effion Weird threesome Dr. Dolittle

Next the female witch Katherine Waterston locks the guys in the case and takes them to the wizard council of New York.  Instantly Waterston, Redmayne and Fogler are considered guilty.  This is when Colin Farrell sends them off to jail by simply pulling out his wand from a wizard sleeve.

But in short order, Redmayne is able to break out of jail by using a little leaf creature who looks and acts like a very unfunny baby Groot.  Then Queenie smuggles everyone out in Redmayne’s magical jail case.

Once they escape a troubled teen named Credence lets loose his super evil power of becoming a giant black dust devil.  Like a typical teen, Credence whines and pretty much wrecks half of NYC.  But finally, Credence is cornered by Redmayne, Waterston and all of the wizards in a subway.  That’s when wizards act as judge and jury by pulling out their wands and shooting loads of magic on him until he’s dead.

ADD Review:  This is no Harry Potter.  If you like magic and the 1920’s you’re probably better off watching David Blaine do yet another rip off of a Houdini trick.

gas guage for comicpopcorn. Gray with white numbers and a red needle. the red needle is pointing to 1/4 full. Written next to the gas guage is how full the theater was on opening day
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