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57 Year Old Man Breaks Space Jump Record – Without Breaking His Legs

A 57 year old guy just broke the stratosphere jump record. He wanted to keep it low key. But every article wanted to mention he is old.

Nice job media. This guy jumps from 25 miles up in the air, and all you can ask is where’s his walker. Hey media, I think he is still a little too young to be sucking a steak through a straw.

It seems like this guy just wanted to see if he could do it. So instead of spending money on a space capsule like the Red Bull guy, he was probably was like, “Do you think I could just wrap my spacesuit in some duct tape.”

So his video is a little ghetto, especially compare it to the video produced by Red Bull. The red bull guys video is so intense, that whenever I see it I always feel like I’m going to vomit.

But when I watch the 57 year old guy’s video I’m like that was a disappointment. His video looks like it was edited by a five year old. If you are going to jump from space, you might want to save some money for a GoPro!

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My Favorite Restaurant is Costco

When you’re hungry the best place to go is Costco. They’ve got items in bulk. And enough free food stations to dramatically increase you own personal bulk.

They’ve got so much food that people actually take dates. But if you’re a dude and think this is a good idea, just be prepared to hear, “And this sample is for the cheap bastard over there! The only way you’re getting to first base is if you actually buy a base on aisle four.”

Costco is smart. They give away food because it increases sales by two thousand percent. This also happens to be the same increase you will see in your next credit card balance.

Costco makes it impossible to leave without buying something. You pick up a free cracker with beef. And you leave with a whole cow. And a forklift to carry it.

You like comedy. You like rap. So hit the like button. (by the way you are awesome)

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My iPhone is More like iBend

People stood in line for days just to get the new iPhone. Just so they can be the first person to say I’m the first one to break it.

The iPhone seems to have a little bending problem. Especially if you like to wear tight pants, and you happen to like sitting. But the crazy thing is everyone still wants this phone. Even if it eventually looks like an expensive doorstop.


That is the magic of Apple. They are selling a lifestyle product. As long as your lifestyle includes not having six hundred dollars in your pocket.

The straight dope: Apple is awesome. But the phone may need a little more work. I think not being the first to own it is a good plan.

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Clippers for Sale

The old guy who owns the Clippers basketball team decided to confide some racist comments to his girlfriend. In turn, she decided to record his every word. I don’t know what it is up with these people who are uber rich. They get used to everyone saying yes. So it comes as a surprise when somebody finally says no. And that somebody was the NBA. The NBA was like our policy is to not deal with complete idiots. You are going to sell the team.


The messed up part is he bought the team for 12 million in the 1980’s. And now he might sell them for 2 billion dollars. That would be really unfair if he wasn’t freaking old. I mean, there is only so much more damage he can do. One crazy thing about selling the team is he might not have to pay taxes. Another bastard move. Hopefully he spends it all on a one way ticket to his own private island

The straight dope:
As our society becomes more diverse then hopefully comments and actions like this will become a memory of the past. But from a money aspect all of us could use a closer look into how we pay taxes. The goal of tax should be to benefit society and ourselves.

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Heartbleed What?

Everyone is scared about that Heartbleed virus. This thing was created to steal all your internet passwords. And that is sort of a bastard thing to do. Especially because nobody had a clue it was running in the background for the past couple of years.

But now that we know what did we do about it? That’s right, nothing. The biggest security threat in years and the best repose IT guys got was yeah, Heartbleed can have anything it wants in my Yahoo. Besides, all Yahoo gives me is a whole bunch of spam.


Maybe we would be more motivated to change our passwords if IT didn’t make it look so easy. We all have that one IT guy in our company who knows way too much about computers. And he will fix pretty much anything for Funyuns and a Coke.

I did change my passwords because I like having money. I lose enough money to wall street bid/ask price. I don’t need Heartbleed to help me.

The straight dope: Change your passwords on the sites that matter. DJIA should still be moving on up. Just enjoy the ride.

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High Frequency Trading

Ever since Michael Lewis wrote his book “Flash Boys” everybody on Wall street has been on the offensive. This is because his book highlights another way smart people have figured out to turn the computer into an ATM.

People are concerned about front running. This is when you place an order to buy a stock but before it gets filled smart people with fast computers buy and sell the stock back to you at a higher price. This is a level of skimming that would even impress the mob.


Wall street argues computers have improved everything. Back in the day the price you got was horrible. Now, you can look forward to just getting screwed.

The straight dope: If you want to buy stocks, this is the system we got. Sure not everything is transparent, but at least we live in a place where things like this can be exposed. I’m going to still buy stocks, but at least I know where some of my money is going now.

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The Stock Market is in a Bubble

Doesn’t it seem like we’re always in a bubble. The worst part is the experts say when the bubble pops it’s going to be really bad. They don’t tell you when or how bad. They just like to make sure if you’re going to buy stocks, then you might want to buy brand new underwear.

A stock market bubble is tricky because when you’re in it every moment is occupied by thoughts like this is great, I can’t believe my stock goes up every day and I’m out once I get all my money from the last crash. Not making that mistake again. Right.


Then there is the people who know there is a bubble, but are too afraid to jump in. So they sit on the sidelines with a face like they just discovered lemon for the first time. They warn stocks just can’t keep on going up. But every day they do.

The Straight Dope – Yes we are in a bubble. Best way to approach this is to dollar cost average until the thing looks like it is going to pop. Once you sell be happy with what you got.

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Don’t Be Scared of The Market

Taking a loss on a stock really hurts. When you finally commit to selling that loser it gives you pain. Around double the amount compared to the good feelings from a gain. That’s like laying down on the tracks and
letting the train roll over you twice. Nobody likes that.

But it’s those negative emotions that can keep us from getting into the market in the first place. Especially when everybody says the market is up to much. Well, I read a great book recently “Markets never forget (but people do) ” and we tend to miss a gain worrying about a potential loss.

The market is up 2/3 of the time. Probability says if you are scared about a drop eventually you will be right. But you are also going to be poor.


In the great wise words of Ron Popeil sometimes it is worth it to
“Set it and Forget it.”

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The January Effect

Now that January is over, everybody in the stock market can agree…that pretty much sucked.  Not just a little but a whole lot.  The scary thing is Wall Street believes if January is down, then there is more to come.  You may want a good year, but it’s not going to happen

The rule of Wall Street is to buy low and sell high.  Anybody not willing to sell now must not be able to hear the fat lady sing.  In fact, I believe she is getting a little hoarse  But if you are not a fan of ladies then you are probably not a fan of bears, bulls or turtles.  Your investment style probably matches more like an ostrich.


The straight dope:  We all know the market doesn’t listen to the calendar it listens to old white dudes.  I think those old white dudes are calling for a sell.  My program triggered DJIA sell at 16374 on 1/14/14.