Latest Funny Review

The Accountant Is A Movie About What Happens When They Run Out Of Ideas For A New Bourne

Ben Affleck from the movie the Accountant. He is in a suit with a tie wearing glasses. He is holding his lunch in a tupperware container. He has a badge on. He is looking off in the distance

When I went to the theater to buy a ticket for The Accountant, I just wanted to see if they’d say, “Thanks a lot sucker.  What kind of idiot thinks Hollywood would make a movie about a killer accountant?” But to my surprise they made the movie and made me thirteen dollars poorer.

In this movie Ben Affleck stars as an autistic killer who’s torn between opening an excel spreadsheet and opening a giant hole in somebody’s neck.

the accountant movie with Ben Affleck. He is in front of a white board looking pensive. He is wearing glasses with his collar undone and wearing a tie. There are numbers on the whiteboard. Written meme did I forget to carry the one or shoot that guy in the head

And his skill set is valuable for any client who likes run their business from cell block four.  But for a change of pace Affleck takes a job to investigate accounting irregularities at John Lithgow’s life sciences company.  Which is about as sexy as watching a real accountant do his job.

Now while all of this non-excitement is going on, J.K. Simmons the director of the treasury gets a bug up his butt and decides to go after Batman Ben the Accountant.  Simmons sends agent Cynthia Addai-Robinson to hunt down Affleck for like the whole freaking movie.  And the kicker is she never actually meets him.  Which made me say, “Nice way to create the movie tension of a wet noodle.”

Fortunately the excitement picks up when Affleck investigates Lithgow’s company and falls in puppy love with Anna “Pitch Perfect” Kendrick.  But no matter what she does, their relationship only advances to the sexual spark of sixth grade Sadie Hawkins dance.

the accountant movie with anna kendrick and ben affleck. Anna is in a jacket looking at Ben Affleck's shirt pocket. Ben Affleck has a pocket protector with pens in his pocket. He is wearing a suit, and has glasses on. he is looking at anna kendrick. Written meme Mental note: This guy is reaaally into protection

Eventually, Affleck finds out Lithgow is stealing money from his own company and then putting it back in.  Lithgow is doing this so that he can take the company public and become yet another billionaire bastard CEO.

The twist to the whole movie is Lithgow hires Affleck’s brother Jon Bernthal to take out his best friend, his sister and Affleck the serial killer spreadsheet savant.  But things don’t quite work out for Lithgow in the end.  Affleck shoots Lithgow in the head and then calmly says to his brother, “Sorry about that.  Why don’t we get together next week?”

ADD Movie Review:  When you mix an accountant with an emotionless killer all you really get is Batman’s much less successful brother.

gas guage for comicpopcorn. Gray with white numbers and a red needle. the red needle is pointing to 1/4 full. Written next to the gas guage is how full the theater was on opening day

More Funny Reviews at comicpopcorn.com.

About joejcom (103 Articles)
Every movie deserves an Funny Review. Check out how I spin the funny on a different movie each week.

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