The Conjuring 2 is back to remind us the 70’s was a really creepy decade. Even without ghosts, everywhere you looked there was weird floral patterns, dark woods and way too much hair.
The movie starts out in the Amityville house with Vera Farmiga getting scared by a nun/demon who’s looks like she raided the white make up supply at Sephora.
During this encounter Vera sees her husband Patrick Wilson die and later is like, “Honey, I think we need to stop pissing off ghosts.” And he goes, “Cool. We’ll take a break and I’ll check back with you in five minutes.”
Meanwhile a couple of girls in England decide it’s a good idea to start using a homemade ouija board in their super old house. Almost immediately Janet (Madison Wolfe) gets haunted by a 70 year old ghost with breathing problems and bad teeth. Every night the ghost starts moving things like a chair, a toy truck and the little girl Janet. Janet’s mom Frances O’Conner gets frustrated with her until the mom sees a dresser move right across the room and slam the door shut. Then Frances is like, “Yeah we’re getting the bloody hell out of here.”
But even when the family goes to their neighbors house they get attacked by a super scary manifestation of the crooked man. At this point the English church is like, “We want to help, but we’re way too polite. We’ll regulate that ghost with some loud obnoxious Americans.” And Vera and Patrick go, “Thought you’d never ask, considering half of the movie is already over.”
When Vera and Patrick get to the house, they do an interview with Janet who happens to be channeling that 70 year old cranky wanker. Immediately they set up ghost catching equipment. But during this set up montage the scariest part of the film happens when Patrick pulls out a guitar and sings like Elvis. After this the ghost tells Janet, “Get rid of that singer or I’ll get rid of your family.”
So Janet acts like the ghost and tears apart a really gross kitchen that desperately needed demo anyway. Unfortunately, after Janet does this, Vera and Patrick have to call this a hoax and get on the train back home. But when they are on the train Patrick figures out the old man ghost is just a pawn being controlled by that nun demon bitch. So they high tail it back to the house and Vera goes, “Hey demon I know your name and I know where I’m going to send you. Have a nice trip to hell.”
ADD Funny Movie Review: This movie has some awesome jump scares. The crooked man is certified scary. And the nun/demon is freaky because she has super sharp teeth and about a pound of white face make up.
More Funny Reviews at comicpopcorn.com.