The Brothers Grimsby is a story about what happens when one brother becomes a world class spy and the other brother becomes a world class idiot. And this tale is refreshing for us Americans because now we know not all Brits end up with a cool accent and bad teeth. No some of them just end up dumb.
The movie opens with Sacha Baron Cohen having passionate sex with Rebel Wilson on a mattress in a store. So from the get go it’s like Cohen is saying, “Strap in audience, I’m going to make you laugh at something really gross.”
Next we see Cohen’s MI6 brother Mark Strong at an AIDS event trying to stop an assassination. But Mark fails to shoot the assassin when Cohen decides to give his long lost brother Mark a full body bear hug. That’s when Mark’s shot goes wide, hits a kid with AIDS and causes blood to squirt right into Daniel Radcliffe’s mouth. Thus prompting Mark to say, “Brother what you’ve done in five minutes, Vodelmort couldn’t do in eight movies.”
So now that Mark has screwed up, Cohen takes him to the town of Grimsby to hide out.
But the moment Mark gets to Grimsby he reads a banner that says “Welcome home super secret spy.” So the bad guys are like, “It’s time to kill these morons.” But in the fire fight all the bad dudes die and Mark ends up with a poison dart to the junk. And once Cohen learns he has to suck the poison out he’s goes, “Brother I’ve looked for you for 28 years, but now I realize I could’ve found you in five seconds on Grindr.”
After this Cohen and Mark decide to go to South Africa to track down that bastard assassin.
But things get screwed up when Cohen is told to get some intel from a hot chick and he mistakes the hot chick for the maid played by Gabourey Sidibe. As things get sexual that’s when you get treated to a screen shot of her baby maker. Yeah good luck trying to unburn that from you mind.
Fortunately some bad guys interrupt this horrible event. Then Cohen and Mark fight with the bad guys until they are able to slip away and hide in an elephants vagina. Which is all kinds of wrong. That is until Cohen and Mark become uninvited guests at an elephant sex party. That’s right the boys are in a vagina and Mark’s gets an elephant battering ram to the grill.
Once the boys get out of this situation they learn the assassin gave Penelope Cruz a deadly virus to release at the World Cup. This virus is going to be shot off in the fireworks at the game. Since this is a Sacha Baron Cohen movie the only way to stop the spread of the virus is for Cohen and Mark to put the rockets up their butt. But if you’ve made it to this point in the movie you’re probably like, “Yeah, I totally buy it.”
The Straight Dope: See this movie if you think the perfect date is dinner at Chili’s, then a nice box of popcorn with a heaping helping of elephant wang.
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