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Zoolander 2: It’s the New Zoo Review

Zoolander 2 brings us back to the world of a complete fashion idiot.  Man, the last time we had a Zoolander movie the typical guy thought fashion was a nice pair of dockers.

In the new movie Derek and Hansel are lured out of a retirement to walk a runway in Rome and dust off the old Blue Steel.  But things have changed for Derek and Hansel because the runway show is actually being held at a toxic waste dump.  On top of that Derek and Hansel are forced to wear stickers that say “my name is old” and “my name is lame.”  Then just for fun they get whipped by Benedict Cumberbatch who plays an uber creepy guy/girl model named All.  You know, just your typical fashion week runway show.


Next the boys get picked up by Penelope Cruz who is Interpol fashion police.  She wants to know why Justin Bieber did blue steel right before he was killed and became a permanent part of the sidewalk.    So of coarse Derek and Hansel volunteer to help and end up making things way worse.

That is until the three of them meet Sting in a church who tells them, “You may not know this but in the beginning there was Adam, Eve and the first male model Steve.  And rock stars like me have been protecting Steve’s descendants because they are the actual fountain of youth.  To get at this fountain all you need to do is drink their blood and kill them dead.  By the way Derek your long lost son is the new Steve.  And he really hates you because you think father son time is going to a male thong shoot.”

Now Mugatu comes into the story when he escapes from jail and promises to give the top fashion designers the blood of Steve.  So of coarse Derek and Hansel take it upon themselves to stop Mugatu in the dumbest way possible.


Like at one point Derek tries to stop a blade in mid-air with blue steel and ends up getting a satisfying knife to the face.  But when Mugatu pulls out a bomb, Derek, Hansel, Sting and Derek’s son band together to stop it with a new look called the El Nino.  Which apparently makes the explosive go off like a giant Rip Taylor glitter bomb.

The Straight Dope:  It seems like old fashion always comes back into style.  This is not true for this movie.  You’ll laugh at parts but the real gems of this movie are the scenes with Neil DeGrasse Tyson and watching Bieber go six feet under.


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