Pride And Prejudice And Zombies sounds like the souped-up version of that boring book you tried to forget in high school. It’s almost as if a movie studio executive said, “Austen’s okay, but her stories really need more zombie.”
And at the start of the movie it looks like they serve up a heaping helping of living dead. Because in this new version Mr. Darcy uses his gun to make zombie heads explode like a tomato with a lit firecracker. And the Chinese trained Bennet sisters use their fighting skills to give zombies the ole’ Kung Fu Panda.
For the Pride and Prejudice part Mr. Darcy (Sam Riley) still separates Jane Bennet and Mr. Bingley because he thinks Jane has the social standing of a bum.
Then Mr. Darcy falls for Elizabeth (Lily James) and proposes. But unfortunately he realizes his mistake when Elizabeth says, “That’s a hell to the no because, I’d rather be a 19th century cat lady. And just so you get the point, now I’m going to kick your ass.”
And Mr. Wickham is still a military man but now he gets to fight the zombie hoards while trying to look hot. But he continues to take money from Darcy, tries to run away with Elizabeth and actually runs away with the youngest Bennet sister. Which means he still ends up being a big giant bastard.
As for the zombie part of the movie, it seems like the director said, “Why don’t we just slide some zombies into the story with a little bit of duct tape and glue.” This is shown in the fact that they make the zombies about as dangerous as an annoying hangnail.
And even when Mr. Wickham announces he’s a zombie god and is going to lead the zombie hoards to victory, Mr. Darcy is like, “I’d be scared if you weren’t a British zombie with manners.”
The Straight Dope: In the end the zombies are defeated by blowing up a bridge. Which makes about as much sense as putting zombies in the movie in the first place. You’re probably better off just reading Austen on your tablet while watching 28 Days Later.
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