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Krampus Is The Scariest Movie Of The Season If You Happen To Be Ten

Krampus is a bad Santa who acts nothing like Billy Bob. Yeah there’s no drinking or cussing, just a whole bunch of making people dead.  Which makes Krampus ten thousand times worse than that milk toast Mr. Grinch.

Krampus starts out like every other holiday movie with a very dysfunctional family.  And this family is waiting to be joined by even more dysfunctional relatives.

Unfortunately the only one who has holiday spirit is Adam Scott’s son Max.  But Max’s spirit is quickly crushed when his cousin reads his sappy letter to Santa out loud at dinner.  Which makes Max rip up the letter and go, “Maybe this Santa thing is overrated.”  Nice willpower kid.

But once Max does this, it is like sending out a bat signal for Krampus.  Next, this Krampus dude rolls into town looking a lot like Santa’s less successful homeless brother.


Once Krampus gets the green light to be bad he sends a blizzard and takes out the internet. Proving he’s not just evil, he’s a real bastard.

As the movie progresses the evil seeps into all of the Christmas things you know and love.  Gingerbread men come alive, a teddy bear gets monster teeth, and a jack in the box clown becomes super creepy.  Oh wait, maybe the jack in the box was always that way.


In the end the family gets eaten or thrown into a glowing hole in the ground.  But of coarse in the next scene Max wakes up in his bed and comes down stairs to celebrate Christmas with his family who is very much alive.  Making you think Krampus not only likes to kill but also likes to take the plot from Nightmare On Elm Street.

The twist is now the family is trapped in a snow globe forever.  Which sucks especially when Krampus wants to make it snow.

The Straight Dope:  This movie starts off very Hallmark but ends up more like C.S.I Fargo.  It’s not that scary, not that funny, but its all kinds of gross.

More Effin Funny Reviews at JoeJCom.

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