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The 33 Is Everything You Wanted To Know About Those Trapped Chilean Miners If You Happen To Live Under A Rock

The 33 is a movie about a bunch of sweaty men trapped in a giant hole.  That’s right.  They get trapped.  It gets hot.  And then the shirts come flying off like some broke down version of Magic Mike.


At the moment the men get trapped Antonio Banderas is elected leader.  This is mainly because he just talks over everyone else.  Making the other miners go, “I guess we have to listen to the man who sounds like Puss N’ Boots.”

The miners plan is to wait underground in a place called the refuge to be rescued.  But they quickly learn the refuge is just a great way to die slowly.   Because they’re either going to stave to death or get crushed by a rock twice the size of the Empire State building.  Sorry guys even Vegas wouldn’t take those odds.


Even though it looks like they are going to die the guys don’t quit.  They make three days food last for sixteen.  Which is impressive until you realize day sixteen’s meal is a cup of tuna fish water.  Hunger or no hunger, that’s just gross.

But eventually the Chilean government drills a tiny hole to the refuge.  This makes the miners happy until the government says, “You’re not getting out until Christmas.”  So the miners are like, “That effin sucks.  But can we delay the rescue a couple more days just so that we don’t have to buy anyone a present?”

So now the race is on to make a hole big enough to get the miners out.  First the Aussies drill and fail.  Then the Canadians drill, fail and politely leave.  And finally the good ole’ USA is successful because we act like cowboys and punch through the rock like we’re drilling with the Hulk.

The Straight Dope: This is a story about doing whatever it takes to survive.  And it just shows humans can overcome anything as long as we call America Team World police.


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