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Pan Is A Live Action Adventure With A Cartoon Premise

Pan gives us the backstory about why Peter is so annoying.  You know flying around and telling everyone they’re going to get old and die.  Guess what Peter, that’s a jackhole move.

But in Pan you can argue Peter earns his cockiness.  He grows up in an orphanage run by a nun who happens to like selling boys into slavery.  Who’s the jackhole now?

Eventually Peter gets sold off and is put to work for Hugh Jackman/BlackBeard the Pirate. Peter is forced to mine pixilatum because breathing the stuff makes Jackman look dead sexy.


But unfortunately Peter is accused of stealing pixilatum and is forced to walk the plank.  But that’s when Peter flies and Jackman goes, “Great, if he’s the chosen one I’m going to be taken out by a little boy.”

So Jackman tries to stop Peter, but a young Captain Hook comes to his rescue.  At this point Peter and Hook are friends because Peter hasn’t gotten under Hook’s skin yet.

So, Peter and Hook escape to a native village.  But this village looks less native and more like the huts and clothes were attacked by neon colors from the 80’s.  Hey villagers, way to be stealthy.


Of coarse Jackman finds this village of ridiculousness.  But once again Peter and Hook are able to escape.  But now the guys set out for the secret fairy hideout.  Once they make to the fairy hideout, Peter opens the door and Jackman jumps out and is like, “Thanks for doing that idiot.”

The Straight Dope: The fairies deliver a serious pirate smackdown once they learn Peter can fly.  But this makes you wonder if the fairies could defeat Jackman the whole time then they’re kinda stupid.  I mean why do they need a boy who can fly just to kick some pirate booty?


More Effin Funny Reviews at JoeJCom.

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