Latest Funny Review

The Martian Is The Worst Case Of Being Ditched Ever

The Martian is about what happens when people ignore the buddy system.  That’s right, a big dust storm hits a science crew on Mars and Matt Damon is the unlucky one who gets body slammed by debris.

matt_damon_the_martian_recording_video_diary_written_dear_diary_that_storm_hit_me_harder_than_ronda_rousey

And Matt’s crew goes, “I liked Damon but now he’s kinda dead.  Let’s hop into our spaceship before we get hit by another wall of dirt.”

But once everyone is gone, Damon wakes up and is like, “I’m stuck on a cold desert with absolutely no food.  Great, this mission officially sucks.”

But Damon has a can do attitude and he starts growing potatoes.  Which is really exciting until he realizes even on Mars vegan food blows.  So, Damon’s next mission is to get the hell off of Mars.  So he starts driving the rover and communicating with NASA.  The only problem is the only thing he has to listen to is a hard drive full of disco.  As if being stranded on Mars wasn’t enough, he has to listen to Donna Summer sing, “I need some hot stuff, baby tonight.”

matt_damon_on_mars_from_martian_donna_summer_thought_bubble_if_mars_doesnt_kill_me_then_donna_summer_will

Of coarse Damon encounters a lot of drama.  His potatoes get exposed to Mars atmosphere and die.  Then the supply ship NASA sends to him blows up.  This is when you realize, those people signing up for Mars One are kind of stupid.

But eventually NASA figures things out.  The crew that is heading back from Mars does a sling shot maneuver around the Earth and then just heads straight back for Mars.  Making this mission, the worst road trip ever.

In the end the best scene is when Damon is being rescued by the spaceship.  He is out in space and punctures his glove using the escaping oxygen to fly like iron man.  And that’s when you go, “Are you effin kidding me?  This is completely ridiculous, but also totally freaking rad.  Where do I sign up?”

The Straight Dope: This movie lets us know Mars is dangerous.  Sure we’ll get there one day, but you may want to hold off going until they’ve got a Motel 6.

JoeJcom_guage_3_4_full
More Effin Funny Reviews at
JoeJCom.
See this post turned into a Effin Funny video at
JoeJCom-YouTube

About joejcom (103 Articles)
Every movie deserves an Funny Review. Check out how I spin the funny on a different movie each week.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: