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American Ultra Is What Happens When A Stoners High Actually Comes True

In American Ultra Jesse Eisenberg’s big accomplishment in life is getting a job at the cash and carry.

But one night everything changes when he gets activated as a sleeper agent.  And instantly he’s like, “Is this real, or just a bad high?”  But he finds out how real it is when two assassins mess with his car and he kills them with a spoon.  That’s right.  His method of elimination is open the drawer, pull out the spoon and kill the humans.  Hey GI Jesse, that’s some seriously messed up training.


But Eisenberg is so freaked out about what he’s done he asks his girlfriend Kristen Stewart, “Am I just a killing robot?”  And she’s like, “No, but I’m pretty sure you own Facebook.  So now that you know, let’s ditch this small town.”

But the two of them have no time to reflect before they get taken off to jail.  Then the jail gets attacked and its up to Eisenberg to give more bad guys a dirt nap.  After he kills them, KStew thinks it’s a good time to tell him she’s was hired to be his handler.  And that’s when most of the stoners in the audience went, “Whoa!”


Not long after this revelation, Kstew gets captured.  So, Eisenberg taps into his inner badass and attacks all the bad guys with dust pans, cans of tomatoes, and frozen hamburgers.  And all of the bad guys are like, “Why can’t you just fight normal.”

The Straight Dope:  Eisenberg is the perfect antihero. He’s part stoner and part opportunist killer.  If he was a superhero his name probably would be convenience store man.


More Effin Funny Reviews at JoeJCom.

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