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The Age of Adaline Movie Tells Us What It’s Like To Be 29 Forever

The Age of Adaline movie is about how Blake Lively stops aging at 29 years old.  Sounds cool until you realize this is one more reason to hate her.  Just ask your girlfriend and she’ll probably say, “I’m not watching that movie where the bitch doesn’t age.”


Blake Lively becomes ageless when a mixture of cold water and lightening makes her cells frozen in time.  Once this change happens you instantly wonder where is Professor X.  Because if her story is true then she’s one hot mutant.  And somebody needs to update history because Ponce De Leon was way off.  Apparently the fountain of youth is closer to Martinez California.


The big drama happens when Blake Lively runs into her old flame Harrison Ford. He’s instantly attracted to her.  And she’s instantly not.  Because there’s nothing sexy about arthritis.

But that’s not all, we get to learn Harrison Ford is her boyfriends dad.  Yeah there’s really no way to sugar coat that conversation.  She gets to tell the boyfriend, “I was with your dad.  And by the way I’m 107.”  That is like the worst secret ever.

The straight dope:  This movie explores the problems of living forever.  But the problem is it takes two hours to do it.  Hollywood, some of us don’t have the luxury of being 29 forever.


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