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Fast and Furious 7 Movie Has Only One Speed…Ludacris

Fast and Furious 7

Fast and Furious proves it’s illegal to street race, but not illegal to make the same movie seven times in a row.  The pitch meeting must have been like, “For Fast and Furious Seven let’s use hot cars, hot women, and have a total disregard for the laws of physics.”  Our goal is to have Einstein to roll over in his grave.

I mean come on, in one scene Vin Diesel and Paul Walker crash a super car through the penthouse window of one Etihad tower and jump to the next tower.  And then Vin Diesel mumbles, “Let’s do it again.”  At this point I’m sure even the Duke Boys would be like, “Ok, just stop being ridiculous.”


But throughout the movie Jason Statham is the perfect villain.  Walker, Diesel and the crew go to the Caucuses Mountains and Statham is like, “What up fools.”  The Furious crew go to Abu Dhabi and Statham shows up with a gun bigger than The Rock.  The Furious crew try to capture him in a warehouse and he just sits there calmly eating dinner.  Statham is worse than The Terminator.


What doesn’t make sense is Statham should easily be able to take out everyone on the Fast and Furious crew.  But somehow over six movies everyone became navy seals on wheels.  Tell me, one day did the crew go, “We’re sick of just driving, let’s learn how to kill.”

As you can imagine, Fast and Furious Seven blows up a crazy amount of cars and buildings.  And in the end if this was real life The Fast and Furious crew would have a hard time affording a token for the bus.

Straight dope:  If you suspend reality this movie is an exciting ride.  And the tribute to Paul Walker is one of the best parts of the movie.  By the way I can’t wait for Fast and Furious 20:  Rascal Scooter Drift.

More funny at JoeJCom

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