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Insurgent Spends Two Hours Opening A Box

Insurgent is a movie about how Jeanine (Kate Winslet) wants to open what she thinks is an all-powerful box.  But the real question is what’s in the box?  Will she become super powerful or just super disappointed like Brad Pitt in Seven.  Chances are she will need a bucket to vomit.


But Jeanine doesn’t care, she just wants to open that box.  So she convinces all the smart people to do what she says.  Which is not hard because smart people tend to have the social IQ of a potato.


All the smart people are like, “Let’s do this, I’m sick of looking at books.  I’ve got energy to spare because I never have the sex.”


Jeanine thinks Tris (Shailene Woodley) can open the box because Tris has the abilities of all five factions.  Maybe this is so, but Tris also needs to learn the ability to not look like a boy.  I understand short hair is in, but just because you cut it doesn’t mean now you can fight.

When Tris does open the box, the message inside says, “Guess what you’re in an experiment and we locked you in the worst part of Chicago.  You may want to come out and stop acting like giant lab rats.  Oh and by the way you’ve been on reality TV and you don’t get any money.  That money belongs to our leaders the Kardashians.”

Bottom line is this movie is worth it to see.  I got turned away from the theatre because it was sold out, so I got the pleasure if seeing it in 3D and playing three dollars extra.  Thank’s movie theatre.


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